I haven't blogged for a little while, haven't been feeling very well at all. All the traveling back and forth to the hospital 50 miles away, each way, is whacking me up physically big time, and add the stress of having a close relative being in a critical condition in said hospital, and according to the nurses, there's only one way out of it- my grandmother will eventually die from the complications of her stroke and pneumonia, the question is just when it will happen. Each time we go visit her may be the last time we see her alive.
I'm really struggling at the moment, all the driving and traveling is causing so much pain and fatigue I'm resting most of the time when I'm at home and have been very close to going to the ER a few times lately due to the amount of pain I'm in, have had a lot of flares in my neck and still don't know what's the cause of it. I'm going out for a while in my town tomorrow though, the high school has the graduation tomorrow afternoon so I'm going there to have a look even though I don't know anyone who's graduating. Will also wheel past the town hall to hand in my application for handicap parking badge on the way, got the doctors note for it today, along with the document for the patient. Hope I will get the badge very fast, it would make it so much easier with parking when I'm out with car, especially when I'm driving and can't be dropped off. Parking outside the hospital in Gothenburg is an utter nightmare most of the time! Only very few parking spaces are accessible for me out of the regular parking spots near the building where my grandmother is. With a badge I'd be allowed to park just outside the door and not have to take a risk rolling down a steep slope, or get out of my chair to walk up the same slope. I could lose control going down, or fall when walking, plus going up a slope like that causes a lot of pain. I don't even need a slope to fall for that matter. I fell just outside my apartment door less than 2 weeks ago, I stood up to open my door and then crashed to the floor. I always walk into my apartment because my door doesn't have one of those grab bars on it, so it's difficult to close if sitting in the wheelchair...
Hoping to be able to go visit my grandmother again this weekend. My parents are going out on a 1 week vacation in their camper so I'll have to drive on my own if I am to go to the hospital. Everyone agreed that my parents should go on their vacation as planned, as we know already there's no hope of recovery for my grandmother. There's no reason to set your life on pause! Even if my parents are home, we may still not make it into the hospital on time if they call us to say my grandmother has gotten worse. We do go visit as often as we can anyways.
Oh, and I have a frog living in my chest... Rapid heart rate galore! In the 120's when sitting down and jumping to over 150 upon standing up a couple of days ago, and I had a hard time getting it below 100 after that. Yesterday was slightly better and today I haven't worn my sports watch with pulse monitor belt so I don't know. At least I do know very well that I have issues with ANS and possible POTS, so I am careful and listen to my body, having more salt and fluids if needing it.
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