Denial

I've been very busy lately, doing way more than I should and forgetting to pace myself properly, in a sense I've been in, and am in, denial about my capacity these days.
Now granted, I've had more events than usual to go to, but the point is, I'm really bad at saying no! I just keep going and going and going despite knowing that I will crash sooner or later!

In the past couple of weeks I have been to a big amusement park, helped mum to pick and set up her new laptop, celebrated a friend's birthday, attended a meeting out of town, had a flat tire on my wheelchair twice in a week, helped out at an event out of town and having to take a detour with way too much walking to get my flat tire fixed at a bike shop, attended a concert out of town, attended a family party, attended a circus and tonight I went to see our likely next prime minister being interviewed in my town. And all this is on top of all the usual with laundry and such. I'm absolutely exhausted and of course in pain, but I just keep going, I just can not say no even when I should because I really want to do all the things I have been doing, and I have some more things coming in the next few weeks up until the parliament elections in September.

I honestly don't know how I manage even, but I'm guessing it's pure will power and I will pay for it afterwards, I always do when I've overdone it. It's not without reason I have disability... Some days I can't even do the laundry without paying for it afterwards, or a shower is the big achievement of the day. Other days I can manage to go out of town to do something.

I'm just waiting for the big crash right now, I know I've so totally overdone it for weeks and not rested enough! I don't sleep well either, often waking up due to pain, sleeping restlessly, being kept awake by thunderstorms and whatnot.

My joints aren't doing great either, when I'm tired, I'm more prone to injuries and at the moment, I'm tired, and also suffering a case of the weather... Last week one of my kneecaps decided it didn't want to stay in place and it slid upwards a bit. My knees are odd... My kneecaps don't dislocate sideways, they go upwards when they go! And it happens my entire knee subluxes if I suddenly loose control over my legs and a knee goes backwards and I'm not prepared for it at the time. Thankfully my knee braces prevents the hyperextension some at least, so I've been wearing my knee braces more than usual in the past week. My knee braces don't keep my kneecap in place though as my braces are the rigid frame kind that relieves your knees and prevents hyperextension without immobilizing the knee, and they don't have patella support. But oh well, most of the time I just need the support and hyperextension prevention anyway.

Now I need to rest! But I'm too busy, but I need to rest... Pacing... Don't forget pacing!