First of all, I want to wish each and everyone of you reading this a Happy New Year!
2014 came with a BANG little over two hours ago now, and this far it's been treating me nicely.
Thought it would be a good idea to review 2013 a little before I go to sleep.
2013 was a very intense year, it also felt very short. Many I've talked with asked the same question as me: Where did 2013 go?
This being said, it's not a year that I will miss. 2013 was a very mixed year, both health wise and emotionally, and emotionally it was probably one of the worst years I have been through this far in my 28 years.
There was a few good things happening in 2013 too, like the day where we celebrated my grandmother's 85th birthday, the concert with a Freddie Mercury and Queen sound alike band in March, getting my wheelchair so I could go out a bit more again, my trip to the Live and Function disability venue in April, mum's 60th birthday in April and the warm and sunny summer. And as odd as it sounds, my surgery on September 26th is also one of the good things that happened in 2013. And of course, getting to know quite a few new awesome friends from both near and afar!
2013 was also a bad year, and in some aspects outright ugly! Many tears fell throughout the year and I've seen and experienced things that made me age by at least ten years in just a few hours.
The by far most difficult thing to handle was the loss of my grandmother in June. She got a severe stroke on May 9th, just two days after we had been to the funeral of my great uncle's wife. My uncle had found my grandmother in bed in the afternoon of May 9th and the phone call from mum to let me know is something I'll never forget! My parents were out of town in their RV and they ended up driving over 250 miles that night to get home so mum and I could go to the hospital to visit my grandmother the day after. The following month we went to visit my grandmother as often as we could, I drove way more than my body allows me to these days, but I guess it was adrenaline that kept me going at the time. Then on June 8th when I drove to the hospital myself to visit my grandmother as my parents were yet again out of town in their RV. First met my uncle in the hospital and we visited my grandmother together, and then my uncle went home and I stayed for a bit longer. As I sat there alone in the room with my grandmother, holding her hand, I heard the all too familiar changes in breathing that I had heard almost 14 years earlier. Knowing what was coming, I called for a nurse to come in, minutes later my grandmother took her last breath while I held her hand. It was the second time in little less than 14 years I had been with a grandmother until the very end. First time I hadn't even turned 14 yet, this time I was going to turn 28 some months later, and this time I was alone and out of town with 50 miles to drive back home. I also made the calls to my uncle and mum about what had happened, the nurse was still in the room while I was talking with my uncle and she just nodded all the time and must have thought "Where on earth did this young lady learn what to say and stay so calm in a situation like this?" The nurse even offered to make the calls but I said I could do it.
That evening of June 8th aged me... I felt at least 10 years older when I got home that night, than I had done when I drove to the hospital in the afternoon.
The following weeks were very busy with arranging my grandmother's funeral, going through her apartment so it could be put up for sale before my parents left for their summer vacation and of course, mourning the loss of my grandmother!
This whole ordeal changed me. While I've always been an introvert, I'm even less social now. I was under constant stress and fear while my grandmother was in the hospital, I was literally jumping high every time my phone made a sound. So since June, I've let go of my phone. I put it in different rooms, mute it often and basically have it mostly for my own safety than for people to reach me. Apart from very very few friends, I haven't really been wanting to or had the energy to talk to people other than my parents. Family has always been very important to me, but even more so now!
2013 was also a year with a fair bit of health issues for me. My EDS took quite a dip and my issues with my uterus was worse than ever, especially after a Mirena IUD was fitted in February. Finally in September I had a hysterectomy which meant the end of many years of pure hell every month! And that is why the surgery is on the list of good things happening in 2013.
But the effects on my joints from the Mirena and oral mini pills, is something I'll probably have to live with for the rest of my life. I'm currently able to walk only about 20 meters before the pain in my SI joints, hips and lower back gets too bad- hence the wheelchair and the wheelchair being on the positive list too.
Is it any fun needing a wheelchair? Nope! But I decided to embrace it instead of seeing it as something negative or a failure.
With everything that happened in 2013 that was rough both physically and emotionally, I sure hope 2014 will be a much better year!
The last few weeks of 2013 were really busy weeks, I had a lot of things I needed to do before Christmas and with very limited energy, things take a bit longer time than it would have done normally.
I have a few projects to deal with this year and will just take it little by little, no stress or pressure as stress is really bad for me and overdoing it can cause paralyzing fatigue.
Now I shall try to sleep, or I won't be able to wake up on time to watch the New Year's concert from Vienna on TV!
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