A lot has changed lately. I feel older than my actual age, that is nothing new really as I've always been "older" than my peers, but this time is different in a way. I can't put words to it, and won't try. I think only one friend really understands, one or two more may get an idea.
I have some really really great friends from around the globe, it's just unfortunate I'm half a world away from those I consider my closest friends. Distance and time zones really bite sometimes, but there's nothing to do about it other than go and visit each other sometime :)
Another change? Well, I'm proud to announce that I have sent in the divorce application this week! Hopefully the process will be fast so I can change my Facebook status to Divorced rather than just Separated. The less I see and hear from HIM, the better! The way he hurt me... I'm not even going to go into detail!
After this, I don't think I ever want to get married again, seriously! It's better to just have good friends around!
I've changed my mind regarding children too. I wanted to have children before, now I think NOT! I have enough problems with my body as it is, without abusing it with a future pregnancy too! In fact, I have so much problems with my body at the moment, with hypermobility and constant pain so every day at work is a struggle. I keep going though, I love my job!
On Thursday I'm going to see my doctor about all this hypermobility I have. It has reached a bad enough level I can't ignore it any longer now. I'm hoping my doctor will take it seriously and send me to see a specialist to be checked for EDS, just to be on the safe side, I do have some EDS signs too. I'm very sure I have at least HMS (hyper mobility syndrome) as my hypermobility causes pain and I get more than enough points on the Beighton scale. The requirement for an HMS diagnose is 4 points on the Beighton scale, I get those 4 points just on my hands! Then I can do various other tricks with hands and fingers which are not even on that test. Then I have many other hypermobile joints, both out of the ones in the Beighton scale test and joints not being tested.
"Normal" people think it hurts to bend fingers far back and other crazy things like that, the few workmates who have seen what I can do have gone quite pale when seeing it. But it doesn't hurt! I don't feel even a slight stretch until it's bent far far beyond normal. It's the fact that I can do those things that hurts, and I'm sure every single person with a hypermobility diagnose of any kind will agree with me. When you're hypermobile, your muscles have to work harder to compensate for the instability of the joints. It doesn't take much to feel tired and worn out when your joints have a bad day :(
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