People's reaction

People react rather differently when I tell them about my plans to study and what I want to study. Most people are "Go for it!" and then there are some that look or sound like they've seen a ghost! Seriously, is physics really that scary? Sure, the equations are out of this world, but I personally can't wait until I can read them and understand what they mean!
I find it pretty entertaining to see or hear people's reaction to it all.

As it is today, I can sit and read the texts of theories, but the maths mentioned doesn't make sense, maths is a language I'm not fluent in yet, but I shall get there eventually! I'm determined! I shall learn it all!

Restless...

I'm still waiting for the books I ordered during the weekend. Apparently my order is being handled now. I Sure hope I'll have those books tomorrow or I probably won't have them until Monday! I just want to start reading!

I'm a pretty restless person. I have to have something to do at all times. I can't just sit and stare at the ceiling. Now when I'm not working (am on sick leave) I'm literally bouncing off the walls if I have a day with nothing to do! Just watching TV or playing games on PS2, PSP or computer just doesn't do it. I need to do something creative, like reading and by that I don't mean reading novels!

On another note, I overdid it today, went grocery shopping, cleaned the kitchen and cooked dinner all in just a few hours. All that with a back which would barely let me get up this morning, and knees which feels a bit like aching jello from time to time. I couldn't care less! If I want to do something, I do it!

So, daytime today has been pretty productive :) Plans for tomorrow, or actually daytime today as it's nearing 2am, involves 2-3 machines of laundry and a general sweep over of my apartment :) And reading, if I just get my books!

Interesting...

I downloaded some lectures from iTunes U yesterday. Some physics lectures. I watched a couple of them, just to see what kind of things I'll be dealing with later on and to my great surprise, I could understand some of it and felt I'll definitely be able to learn it once I'm familiar with the maths involved :)
This just makes me feel even more sure about my choice of future studies!

It's a really great feeling :)

5am blogging...

Not a long one day. All I can say is, I feel like a too tense guitar string about to snap from the tension :( Not knowing does that to me...

Late night blogging again again again

It's now 1:40am as I begin to write this. I haven't done much today, I wanted to do a lot, but have been unable to focus on anything, those who know me more personally may know or guess why... I won't say it out loud here on my blog anyways... Was at least trying to study some maths in daytime.
And I got pretty thrilled about the news they just may have found the elusive Higgs Boson at last! First at CERN on the Swizz/French border and a couple of days later, Fermilab in USA announced they may have found the Higgs Boson as well. Will be interesting to see if they have indeed found it this time! It will take a while to analyze the results according to the news report.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/breakthrough-hailed-in-quest-for-god-particle-2319902.html

So, what is the Higgs Boson you may wonder. I am certainly not the right person to answer that, I only know very very little and can't explain it well, so you'd better hit wikipedia on this ;) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Higgs_Boson

Just pretty funny how the scientists have been looking for this particle for so long, and suddenly it may have been found in two particle accelerators within a couple of days of each other.

Either way, it's exciting and I'll try to follow these news :)


For some reason, blogger won't post the links as hyperlinks, I don't know why! You'll just have to copy and paste if you want to read the links.

Late night blogging again again...

It's now just 3:20am, I'm not even beginning to feel sleepy yet. Missing my best friend who seems to have a busy afternoon/evening today, that happens sometimes. Hopefully catch up in the morning instead :)

Ordered some more books earlier, can't wait until I have them! I just want to start reading! Have been studying maths quite a bit today. Found this great webpage called maths.com which goes through pretty much everything from 1+1 to calculus and "worse" and has many videos showing examples too, it's really a good webpage! I'll use that page a lot for my maths studies! Even Algebra is starting to make sense with the help of that webpage ;) Now if physics could have a webpage like that too, I'll learn in no time!

I really want to learn it all, motivation is on top! When I read really complicated physics things now for recreation, I wish I could understand it all. That must say something, I've finally found what I want to do! I wouldn't even look at it if I wasn't interested in it. One day I will learn it, and read those texts again and have it make sense :) I'm determined!

Ok, nearly 4am. I'm still not sleepy! Think I'll just study some more maths!

It doesn't happen all too often...

Today I'm actually blogging in the early evening! Not saying I won't write another blog sometime in the early hours of the morning later though. I just thought I'd post something now.

Have ordered three books today, one book about Physics and two books about maths, just to prepare for what shall come ;) Will get the books home in a few days time and I'm really excited! Just want to read them NOW!

At the moment, I'm in a complete nerd mood! Motivation is on top and I just want to get started with my planned studies!

Late night blogging again.

I seem to always blog at night for some reason. I am a born night owl and I don't sleep very much.

Been looking into studies even more today, it is now leaning very much towards Lund University! They don't just have the Physics program but also Theoretical Physics. Which one I will choose is not yet decided, I'll see which of it that covers my field of interest. I have at least found a course I'd very much like to take. That one kinda belongs to Physics, but I guess I'd be able to study it even if I end up with Theoretical Physics. Anyways, the course is called Particle Physics, Cosmology and Accelerators. It sounds really interesting!

I feel so motivated at the moment! I just want to start studying!

Random thoughts of an overactive mind

For the past few days, my brain has spent a lot of the time planning and even more time thinking. Reading up on random complicated things and studying some maths in between.

The odd random thoughts of an overactive mind today is related to the universe. I'm kinda doubting the Big Bang theory a bit, along with wondering if the universe has an end or if it just keeps going and going forever. And if the universe has an edge, which would barely have a sign notifying anyone, what's there, beyond the universe? Theories says the universe is still expanding, so surely there has to be somewhere where universe hasn't reached yet, what is there?

This kind of thoughts surely doesn't help me beat insomnia, but I really couldn't care less! I'm more interested in thinking than in sleeping! I will and I do sleep when I'm tired ;)

University plans!

I have made some big plans these past few days. I already know I can no longer work in a warehouse, and taking a regular office job would just bore me to world's end and be a waste of brain power.
I've heard from many that I'm too intelligent to do a physical job or just a random job. It is time! Time to walk down the path of academics! I have not known what I wanted to study before now. Now I'm pretty sure I know!
Due to being sick of school in Jr. High, I went to the wrong type of high school- one focusing more on practical knowledge than theoretical. It's something what has been haunting me ever since I graduated in 2004!
I now have to deal with most of the high school maths, and all the high school science to be able to apply the University program I want to study. But that should be fully possible. I'm not stupid, I've just been unfortunate with schools and teachers in the past. With the right motivation, which I feel I have now, I can reach the stars if I want to!
What I want to study at university? Well, science of course! I may study either Physics or Chemistry, or Biochemistry.
I'm a nerd, and I'm damn proud of it!

I want to study again, now is the right time to do it! I'll soon be 26, I can no longer do my current job and I finally know what I want to do with my life!

I know it will be hard, especially maths will be hard as I've got more talent for languages than maths. But I can and will do it!

I'm now trying to decide which University I'd prefer to study at. I'm choosing between Lund University which is very old and internationally well known, with an amazing study atmosphere and true academic feeling in the whole city. You could pretty much say Lund is a University and it happens to be a city as well.
Then there's Gotenburg University, I've never been studying there but know it is a good University, I also have my family in or around Gothenburg which means I'd be close to my family again if I go to University there. On the other hand, I never get the cozy feeling when I'm in Gothenburg, it's just a city which happens to have a University.
So which should I pick? It will be a difficult choice as I'll be studying for four years at that one University unless I exchange and study abroad some too. Should I pick the amazing academic atmosphere, or being close to my family? I'll obviously apply both Universities when I get that far with my maths, I hope to start studying at University in autumn of 2012.
I've been living 400km away from my family for the past 5 years next month, only seeing my family a few times every year. Still, even if I choose Lund (which feels most likely), I'll at least be a bit closer to my family, about an hour closer compared to the travel time I have now.
I really like Lund University and the whole city of Lund. It's the most academic city in Sweden! Just walking down the streets in Lund and you pass by a University building every few steps, it really gets you in the mood to study!

Now bring on the maths! I'm so motivated for this! :)

Because awareness matters!

Those of you reading this who are on Facebook. I've found this great cause, and it would make my and many other's day if you care enough to join and help spread the word to everyone you know!

http://www.causes.com/causes/244658-official-national-marfan-foundation-cause

Together we can make a difference!

For some reason the link doesn't become a link when I add hyperlink, but the title of this blog post will also take you to the cause.

Now let's beat at least ONE FarmVille cause! ;)

Because awareness matters!

Late night rambles

It's about 3am when beginning to write this post. I'm wide awake, listening to music pretty loud in earphones and have no intention to sleep anytime soon, not because I don't want to sleep, but because my body tells me it doesn't need to sleep at the moment.

I was born night owl! I've heard myself on old tape recordings from 1987 when I was about to turn 2, the grown ups (my parents and an elderly couple we used to go out camping with) were trying to make me sleep at 11:30pm and me proclaiming loudly "Don't want to sleep!" in very childish Swedish.
It's just natural for me to be up this late, I don't usually need much sleep at all. I have many nights of only sleeping for 3-6 hours, and can do just fine on less sleep too.

Maybe my body is permanently in the wrong time zone? I dunno. I just know my lack of sleep surprises many around me. I'm often awake until 2-3 in the morning even when I need to get up to work in the morning.

I love sitting up at night, it's so peaceful! And it also means I can spend time chatting with friends in USA and I have pretty many friends in the States. Sometimes they're off to sleep before me even ;)

Enough late night rambles now. I'm going to continue listening to music until I'm tired enough to fall asleep!

Considering leaving Denmark

As some of you may or may not know, I'm Swedish but living in Denmark since 2006. The five years in Denmark has had its ups and downs and given me valuable life experience that I'll always carry with me.
I've come to a point in my life where I feel there's little or nothing keeping me in Denmark any longer. I like my apartment very much, but that's really about it. I don't have many real life friends here, and the couple of friends I do have here are from work and they have families so we don't hang out after work. And then there's work... Well, to put it simple, I can not do it any longer! I've had it, seriously! My body can't cope with physical work any longer, it's time to find an office job, or work from home!
My plan now is to look for a new job, in my home region of Sweden and move back to Sweden sometime after Christmas, probably to a city not far from my hometown. I have several real life friends I've met on a forum in that city, the city has a college, a big hospital in case my joints needs it, and excellent train connections to my hometown which is just 50 minutes away by train or about an hour's drive.
So when I have moved, I'll have real life friends in the same city and I'll be very close to my family, my childhood friends and many of my high school classmates as the city I'm planning to move to is very close to where I went to high school.
I'll be close to friends and family, but still live in a city and still have some privacy.

I think there's only one thing I'll miss when I leave Denmark. My doctor! Other than that, I'm just really looking forward to moving home to my homeland again, where the living standard is generally better too. Now there's nothing wrong with my apartment here in Denmark, but in Sweden it's pretty much unheard of to have the shower connected to the bathroom sink ;) In Sweden we have separate water supply for sink and shower!

The city I'll move to only really has one downside, it's pretty far from any bigger airport, like 1,5h by train and another 30+ minutes by bus. But let's face it, how often do I travel?

Long time no post

I haven't been blogging much lately. There are several reasons for it, but the main reason is probably the fact that I haven't been feeling well and been very busy.

There's a lot going on in my life at the moment, I'm trying to get a diagnose on my health problems. Both me and my doctor suspect it's Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and I'll be going to hospital in September for a proper EDS test. I saw a rheumy in early June, and that was the worst moron I've ever seen calling himself a doctor! The only thing he got right about me is the 8/9 on the Beighton score.

In early June I also had to spend a few hours in hospital due to a possible heat stroke when it was just 20 degrees outside. I started feeling really nauseous and weak, and lost sensation in arms and legs, I very nearly passed out! Had I not had my crutches with me that day, I'd not have managed to get off the bus even. When I got to the hospital hours later I had a "resting" pulse of 95 (I had very slowly walked from waiting room to exam room minutes before)

Working has become more and more of a struggle. As soon as I get home from work and have taken a shower, I go to bed and sit there until I fall asleep sometime late at night and then I don't sleep very well. I'm constantly in pain, constantly fatigued, it's not really a life for someone turning 26 in a few months!

Last weekend I went to Nottingham to visit some friends, it was a great weekend, but oh my have I been feeling unwell since I got home again! I've barely managed to get out of bed since I got home late on Tuesday evening. Since night to Thursday I've had a pretty bad headache and back pain which has been worse than my usual back pain.
I don't know what's causing my headache, but nothing helps to ease it, other than staying in bed moving as little as possible. A friend with diagnosed EDS think I may have slipped a disc in my back, or have developed dural ectasia. I didn't even know people with EDS or HMS could develop dural ectasia randomly like this, I only knew it's common among people with Marfan Syndrome.
Oh well, I don't know the cause for my headache, I just know it feels like having fireworks inside my brain when it is at its worst, and nothing helps. Painkillers does nothing, laying flat on my back does nothing and laying on my side just made me feel nauseous instead. If it doesn't ease up within a few days, I'll seek help in hospital for it!

I've barely managed to eat anything since Monday. Haven't had any appetite at all. Today I've had 6 small squares of chocolate, a few spoonfuls of mashed potato and a cup of soup, and I had to force myself to eat the potato mash and soup!

Ok, this post is not very cheerful at all, and it has taken far too much of my energy. I need to rest again...